Parallel Universe

I read one other blogger’s posts consistently, with voyeuristic interest.

On the face of it, we have nothing in common. Her whole blog talks about experiences I’ve never had and that makes me feel human and humble and hugely grateful.

I’ve been mostly spared having my nether regions over-exposed and prodded by countless instruments wielded by men-in-white-coats who are more likely to recognise me once my pants are down by my ankles. Her blog leaves me embarrassed by my own fecundity. It is agonizing, as no amount of good will wishing can change a thing. This poor soul is tormented by the need to be what I’ve been for the past fifteen years. Namely, a mother and a lucky cow.

Kids – with or without them – they’re an open wound of agony, grief and regret. You think that the joy that children bring makes up for everything they ruin, break or destroy. Don’t get me wrong, mine have shown me how the capacity to love keeps growing even though I blame them entirely for the loss of my figure.  They’ve also made me more selfish and time poor. They absorb so much of my energy and waking hours I can’t be as charitable and altruistic towards the wider world  in the way I would like to be. Continue reading

Is summer here or is this just a rehearsal?



Sometimes you have to pinch yourself: is it really only April?

The weather has been so brilliant for the past few weeks and I’ve been peeling off the layers. I started going out without a coat, gradually my extra layers have got thinner and lighter. Before long I was down to just shirt sleeves and today, the sun felt so warm in the garden that I gave into it completely. I was down to my shorts and vest top all afternoon while I worked in the garden.

I hadn’t really planned to spend so long in the sun, and it’s early April, so I thinking about sun-protection is not yet on my radar… but after 3 hours I can feel the slight burn on my cheeks and shoulders.

My ‘little ones’ are now ‘bigger ones’. They’d rather work on their pallid complexions all day, as play stations and computers hold a greater hold on them nowadays than the great outdoors. However, when they were little, the first sign of any sun and they shed clothes faster than leaves come off trees in autumn gales and run around the garden butt naked.

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Mine’s a pint, please.

A Dairy Crest Semi-Skimmed Milk Bottle.

Image via Wikipedia

Would you, or would you not down a pint of milk?

My mother must have often wondered why we always used to be short of milk in our house in the morning.

I confess, I’d frequently wake up in the middle of the night feeling thirsty and fill a glass of lovely cold milk and down it almost in one. It was such a deliciously refreshing sensation that it was possible I’d end up downing a whole pint bottle. Do you remember when they used to come with a think plug of cream on the top? I’d poke it and scoop it out with my finger first and lick around the bottle’s rim to make sure I didn’t leave as much as a smudge behind.

But I’m unlikely to do it now. I’d feel kind of naughty…

So do you, or would you ever, think of drinking a glass of chilled milk as your first choice of drink if you were thirsty? Or are you hung up, like me, with the thought that milk is too fattening for grown up women and really only suitable for babes and infants to enjoy?

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Olay Total Effects Wake up Wonder 7-in-1 Anti-Ageing

I was a very willing volunteer to review Olay’s new moisturiser Total Effects Wake up Wonder. At my stage of life I need as much waking up (apart from being poked with a sharp stick or being administered cups of tea via an intravenous drip) as I can possibly get.

Curiously, when you read through the ingredients contained in Olay’s magic 7-in-1 Anti-Ageing formula, you’ll come away no wiser since it is obviously not there for enlightenment. The print is tiny and the science-speak language too obscure for mere mortals, however I make out Camelia Sinensis (that’s the tea plant) Leaf Extract.  I suppose that absorbing a tea fix through the pores makes a kind of connective sense to me.

I’m already digressing. So does it work? Or your money back guarantee. Continue reading